Interview

1) Why do you want to be an actress?
Because we completley crazy.Just Kidding. Honestly i really love being on stage, theatre pulled me out of a dark time in my life and i feel like i stress and build tension and when i'm on stage everything just goes. Of course I get little butterflies, but it's time when i don't have to think about anything going on in my life, I just get to be someone else. I Just don't feel really free.

2) Given that acting is not pretending emotion, but releasing it from within yourself, how do you propose to do that?
My biggest challenge as an actress is that i NEVER try to fake an emotion, i always want to feel it, and that doesn't always happen. My biggest problem, that i have yet to find a solution for is that i have so much emotion just tons of Anger, and sorrow, and all these raw feelings and i'm afriad that if i let go for one second i won't be able to control myself. I was better at acting when i first started becuase i was getting out all this anger, because i was self-injuring and once i went into counceling and learned to control my feelings, i'm hesitant to let go because I won't be able to leave that emotion behind.It's something i need to figure out in my head still.

3) And, what will you do with it when the role for which you have released it is over?
I will probably carry it and have to figure out a way to deal with it, i always like to play like crazy people and stuff because they are different from me,but still have hints of me and emotion that i can pull from myself, there's just certain places i'm afraid to go.Kind of like when angelina Jolie played Gia Marie Carangi, she was afraid that role would drive her crazy because she was so much like her.

4) Who will you be in ten years?
Hopefully teaching theatre or acting, I just want to be happy at some point in life.

5) Can you be cautious in love?
Yes, that is a big problem for me, i keep everyone an arms length away there are very few people i let in. I close myself of because i'm afriad of being disappointed again or getting attached to someone then loosing them. So i never let anyone even have a chance to love me or let me love them.

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1. Leave me a comment saying “Interview me.”
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your blog with a post containing your answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

I feel so helpless

Someone I Love and care about very much is hurting and i hate that. She's goin to be in the same situation i am, and no one should have to go through that. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy,and it kills me that someone I love has to feel this way. This is the first time in my life i can honestly say i understand what someone is feeling. Minus certain aspects. When the person i'm talking about reads this know i love you and I am keeping you in my every thought

I'm Dressed In White Noise, I Know Just What I want So Please

So we're pretty much about to loose my house, like VERY soon unless some kind of miracle happens. My mom still hasn't recieved a check, fucking government. The worst part of this whole thing is that i have family who i consider myself close with, that have tons of money,our house payment would be chump change and they won't even help.I just feel like i'm watching everything my family did to make this house a safe place for not only us but all of our family, just come crumbling down. I keep being told home is where the heart is, well my heart is here. It's not even really the house, it's the memories i've lived her for probably 12 years, this is where i watched my grandma and grandpa in there final days. Where my grandpa and uncle, who are now both deceased plant tons of plants to make our garden memorable. I just don't want to have to go.
The other day i went to visit my cousin, who has cerebral palsy, he lives in a one bedroom apartment alone, he doesn't have many things. His father died last year of throat cancer caused by pesticide poision, and he was givin a VERY large settlement, that his children will recieve in payments. He just recieved another check and he told me he wanted to get my house for me. And i thought this man who has been through hell and back and who has almost nothing himself wants to help me and no one else will. My mom of course told him he hasn't accumulated that much yet and he looked at me and said "If you ever need anything or anyone, and your mom can't help you,come to me".Later that night he called and told my mom he was getting me something and he didn't want her to tell him he couldn't. I have no idea what it's going to be and i really don't care, i'm going to love it because that man gave it to me.

MY FAVORITE

I love dress-up games and paper dolls, don't ask me why because i have no idea. Go here and go crazy.

www.dressupgames.com
www.stardoll.com

Forget Things We Swore We Meant

You know i miss him so much, and i know i shouldn't. He fucked me over and it hurts even worst because i love him to pieces and he could care less about me. I think that was the one point in my life where i felt that i couldn't be strong on my own. So since i depended on him so much i can't help but be so attached. Which is why it absolutely kills me whats happened and how he's treating me. He just got rid of our last method of communication, and i don't think anyone will ever realize how much that hurts or why it hurts so bad.

My favorite book of all time "White Oleander", was on Oprah's book list. So i've decided to try to read the other books on the list, i will mark my reading journey here. You know for as many books as i have read i've only read one on this list.

The Book of Ruth by Jane Hamilton
Song of Solomon by Toni Morrison
The Deep End of the Ocean by by Jacquelyn Mitchard
The Meanest Thing to Say by Bill Cosby
The Treasure Hunt by Bill Cosby
The Best Way to Play by Bill Cosby
Ellen Foster by Kaye Gibbons
A Virtuous Woman by Kaye Gibbons
A Lesson Before Dying by Ernest Gaines
Songs in Ordinary Time by Marry McGarry Morris
The Heart of a Woman by Maya Angelou
The Rapture of Canaan by Sheri Reynolds
Stones from the River by Ursula Hegi
She's Come Undone by Wally Lamb
Where the Heart Is by Billie Letts
Midwives by Chris Bohjalian
What Looks Like Crazy on an Ordinary Day by Pearl Cleage
I Know This Much is True by Wally Lamb
Breath, Eyes, Memory by Edwidge Danticat
Black and Blue by Anna Quindlen
Here on Earth by Alice Hoffman
Paradise by Toni Morrison
A Map of the World by Jane Hamilton
Vinegar Hill by A. Manette Ansay
River, Cross My Heart by Breena Clarke
Tara Road by Maeve Binchy
Mother of Pearl by Melinda Haynes
White Oleander by Janet Fitch
The Pilot's Wife by Anita Shreve
The Reader by Bernhard Schlink
Jewel by Bret Lott
House of Sand and Fog by by Andre Dubus III
Drowning Ruth by Christina Schwarz
Open House by Elizabeth Berg
The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver
While I Was Gone by Sue Miller
The Bluest Eyes by Toni Morrison
Back Roads by Tawni O'Dell
Daughter of Fortune by Isabelle Allende
Gap Creek by Robert Morgan
A Fine Balance by Rohinton Mistry
The Corrections by Jonathan Franzen
Cane River by Lalita Tademy
Stolen Lives: Twenty Years in a Desert Jail by Malika Oufkir
Icy Sparks by Gwyn Hyman Rubio
We Were The Mulvaneys by Joyce Carol Oates
Sula by Toni Morrison
Fall on Your Knees by Ann-Marie MacDonald
East of Eden by John Steinbeck
Cry, The Beloved Country by Alan Paton
One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel García Márquez
The Heart is a Lonely Hunter by Carson McCullers
Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy
The Good Earth by Pearl S. Buck
A Million Little Pieces by James Frey
As I Lay Dying by William Faulkner
The Sound and the Fury by William Faulkner
A Light in August by William Faulkner
Night by Elie Wiesel
The Measure of a Man by Sidney Poitier
The Road by Cormac McCarthy
Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides

It's Love

My grandfather was in the military and he went overseas to Moracco, naturally his family followed, they were in there early 30's. When they returned to Texas for the first time, they went to a mall. My grandfather took his son to look at something and my grandmother was just walking around and she kept running into people that she knew.
Well my granny got on an escalator and she saw this man and she knew who he was and she couldn't figure out how she knew him. so she said "Excuse me sir, do i know you from somewhere". The man turned around and said "Well hell woman i hope so we've been sleeping together for 20 years."It was my grandpa.
My granny was cu-coo-banannas, once she took her son to the beach and there was like 5 signs that said "DO NOT SWIM BEWARE OF MAN OF WARS", Man of wars for those who don't know are kind of like a steroid jellyfish. So my granny gets in the water with her son and there playing and having a grand ole time. then my grandpa starts running up screaming "GET OUT OF THE WATER!!" and my granny says "Why we're having fun!" and he said "There's MAN OF WARS IN THERE GET OUT, didn't you read the sign" and she replies
"Yes, but I didn't see any boats", she thought it was a war ship, dear god she was crazy

My Heart Knows Me Better Than I Know Myself

Sometimes i miss my grandmother so much i can hardly stand it. when i say this people look at me funny, of course everyone misses there grandmother when she dies, but mine was like my second mom. I feel horrible.I heard "Black horse and the Cherry Tree" at work and i started tearing up. My granny loved that song she didn't know any of the words, except, "woohoo", and she would sing it like 5 minutes after KT Tunstall, she was always late.
It's a lot of the little things i miss like when she goes to the drive through pharmacy and rolls down the window and screams her name at the pharmacist. I just thought she was so proud of me all the time and she's not here to see me work, she won't be there to watch me finally make it to college after all of my hard work.The thing that brings me the most pain is that my children will not know the most amazing person i have ever encountered.
I've lost someone i loved every year since 2000, and some losses before that and i really don't know how much more i can take.
My dad hasn't responded at all to his fathers day present, which hurts he doesn't even care if i hate him. You know the funny part is I've spent all these years wondering what i did to make him not want me and trying to be the best at everything, thinking he would decide to love me. I still have this mentality sometimes, but I've finally figured out that he's fucked up, not me.

You's a Window Shopper

Our situation hasn't really gotten any better, but now that i have money coming in, i love to buy things for my mother. She hates me to do it but i love to see her face when she finally gets something she's wanted for a long time. In the end all i want to do is give her everything i can because she just means that much to me. Shes my world, my rock, and my hope, even though we don't always get along. I Love Her.We are essentially a team, when she's up we're both up, when im down we're both down, when i make money it's for us, not me, and vice versa.